Ever since middle school, I have struggled between believing in one of the three different worldviews: Christianity (due to my academic upbringing), Buddhism (due to my familial upbringing), and Atheism (due to my general doubts about religion throughout my life). Long story short, I believe that God created me and everyone and everything with a purpose, and my faith in Him has carried me through some of the best and roughest moments of my life. He has provided me with so many blessings and He has taught me so much about myself and about the world around me, especially throughout my college years and I can’t thank Him enough for all that He has done so far.
Christianity was a huge part of my academic upbringing prior to college. I learned about God, the Bible, the Church, and a lot more throughout my high school years. However, as someone who asks a lot of questions, I found it difficult for me to navigate a lot of my questions about Christianity because it was difficult for me to simply ask them. And, when I did ask my questions to my teachers or peers, I sometimes felt incompetent and foolish for asking them “easy” questions. To some of them, these questions were questions that I should know the answers to because I was a Christian. I was told that I should pray that God would give me more faith and understanding, which isn’t bad in and of itself. But, the way they suggested this statement evoked waves of shame within me that I found myself struggling with time and time again throughout high school.
My time in college so far has been some of the best years of my life and God has refined my faith in so many different ways during my time here. But, I never anticipated that the struggles and the questions I had in high school would amplify once I reached college. Even coming to a public university, I knew things would be different, but I never expected some things to stay the same. Whether it be in a church setting or even with groups of friends, I sometimes found myself wondering, “Why don’t I feel comfortable asking my questions? Shouldn’t these questions help me better understand a sense of God’s character? If so, then why do I feel so bad asking them?” Here’s my attempt in trying to unpack this phenomenon.
Prominent figures in the Bible have questioned God and have asked their questions to God. Here are several examples:
Abraham: Intercedes for Sodom by asking questions and negotiating with God (Genesis 18:16-33)
Moses: “Who am I to appear before Pharaoh?”; “What if they won’t believe me or listen to me? What if they say, ‘The Lord never appeared to you’?”; “O Lord, I’m not good with my words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied and my words get tangled.” (Exodus 3:11, 4:1, 4:10)
David: “Awake, Lord! Why do you sleep? Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever. Why do you hide your face and forget our misery and oppression?” (Psalm 44: 23-24)
Habakkuk: “How long, O Lord, must I call for help? But you do not listen! Violence is everywhere… but you do not come to save. Must I forever see these evil deeds? Why must I watch all this misery?” (Habakkuk 1:2-3)
Jesus: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matthew 27:46)
Clearly, all of these prominent figures challenge God to some degree, whether it be about their abilities to carry out God’s will or about the circumstances around them. But, there’s one thing that connects these figures and their questions to God: all of them never deterred from their faith, but that didn’t stop them from asking their questions and bringing them to the God of the universe.
From the beginning, God created us and embedded Curiosity within us, a characteristic that led to the Fall of Man and, motivated by our fallen nature, has led us to sin and do wicked things. But, God is much bigger than sin itself, and He has the ability to use Curiosity to spark something within us that would motivate us to actively pursue Him, which would lead us to be in awe and wonder at His feet and in His presence. Therefore, why should I be afraid to ask my questions to the God of the universe? If He is aware of all my questions and if people like Abraham and Jesus asked their questions, then what’s stopping me? If God isn’t afraid of our questions, then why are we?
Simply put, I have found that it is easier for the non-believer to voice their questions about the Christian God than Christians themselves.
What I’ve noticed is that there seems to be no expectations for the non-believer to voice their questions, like “If God is a loving God, then why is there so much evil in the world?” or “If God is all-knowing, then can’t He stop evil from happening?” Here, the Christian assumes that the non-believer has little to no understanding about Christian doctrine, so there is an overall acceptance for the non-believer to grapple with these questions alongside the Christian. However, if these same sorts of questions are asked genuinely by a Christ-follower, they are ironically left with shame, a social and a “cultural” beratement from the same people that call themselves “Christians.” The asking Christian is not met with the acceptance the non-believer receives, rather they are met with an “I’ll pray that God gives you more faith to believe and understand,” an indirect way of essentially saying that “you’re not a “real” Christian if you ask your questions or voice your doubts.”
However, I would argue that the shame resulting from the Christian’s questions leads to internal divisions within the body covered with an external mask of unity (1 Cor. 12:12-27). Biblically speaking, Paul’s journey starts in the book of Acts with the formation of the Church and mentions the importance of the Church and the maintenance of it throughout his letters to various churches throughout the rest of his life (aka the model of what the Church should look like). In a modern context, the Church is ideally where non-believers can be introduced to who God is and why He wants a relationship with them. It’s where people can collectively worship and fellowship with those who also believe. More specifically, the Church is there to remind us of the body we are a part of (1 Cor. 12:12-27); a family of believers that will be there to lift each other up especially at their lowest moments.
Maybe it’s because Christians are uncomfortable about answering challenging questions that come from the mouths of Christians themselves. Or, maybe it’s because we often dismiss difficult questions at the cost of deep conversations and the formation of authentic relationships with one another. Either way, being uncomfortable with doubt is no excuse for not engaging in dialogue. I’m sure as Christians, we have been through many seasons of doubt and many of us have been lucky enough to have mentors, teachers, or parents who were patient with us and listened to our hard questions. For me, there have been many mentors and friends throughout my life who supported me through my seasons of doubt by listening to my questions, engaging in conversation about my doubts, and encouraging me to ask God my questions and to learn more about who He is through different biblical resources. It is through this dialogue and this struggle that has led many to be some of the strongest Christians with some of the strongest faiths in the God of the universe.
Let me make this very clear: we are not perfect nor will we ever be. The Church is made up of sinful, broken people like myself and there won’t be a “perfect” church out there until Jesus comes back. Why else did Paul write a bunch of letters to different churches regarding their actions, teachings, and overall maintenance? The earthly Church will never exist without its problems because we will never exist on earth without our problems. But, as Christians we have the freedom to express our hard questions to our God who responds to us not with shame but with love and understanding, because He knows who we are, our thought processes, and our intentions behind our seemingly crazy questions. An extension of this freedom can lead to stronger faiths, deeper relationships, and authentic conversations; an image of the Church where we seek out Jesus together in unity.
“Because the Sovereign Lord helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore, I have set my face like a stone, determined to do His will. And I know that I will not be put to shame.” Isaiah 50:7